Bawk Bawk!

Ever wonder where Easter eggs come from?  Push aside the preposterous idea of purple speckled chickens popping out eggs onto a conveyer belt, all while being handfed jelly beans, gummy worms, and Belgium chocolate. Nope, time to put on your big girl pants and face the truth.  Say hello to Easter Bonnie **bawk, bawk** 

Carb Loading

1 day until Christmas... let the carb loading begin!  A stickler for clean energy, Santa fuels his sleigh with high-quality organic, non-GMO deer feed.  Wash it down with a steamy mug of hazelnut hot chocolate topped with frothy whip cream and peppermint sprinkles.  Sooey! 

Big Fluffy Buns

The world renowned baker Nigel Fuzzelbottom is cooking up a storm.  People travel from miles around to smell the heavenly aroma of his quaint bakery and take a gander at his big, fluffy buns, raised to perfection!  The heavily guarded recipe was recently revealed in a shocking Furflix exposé.  Viewers learned the startling secret ingredient...

*spoiler alert*

(((now would be a good time to send small children out of the room)))

... it's fresh raisins and NOT the California kind.  

Fast & Fur-ious

Lusso Furrari (no relation to the ultra fast Enzo) is a high octane agility competitor.  It takes a master handler to direct this guinea pig in a race for both time and accuracy... very similar to herding cats, but more hectic and involves high pitched weeps.  Lusso trains daily on an indoor obstacle course which includes jumps, ramps, tunnels, weaving, and the catapult... umm, what is the technical term... oh yeah, see-saw.  The judges usually deduct points for his bulldozer approach to jumps, off course wandering, and occasional poops.  Seriously, no clue how he got the 1st place ribbon... someone may need to call security. 

Bingo!

Bingo night just got real... and no, those aren't tootsie rolls.  The stakes are high and the winner receives an all you can eat salad bar.  I have a feeling that the sponsors thought they would come out ahead on the deal.  Oh no!  They will rue the day they made that the rookie mistake.  Winner, winner, lettuce dinner!

Surf & Turf

Merpig???  Yep!  The newest mythical creature gives new meaning to the phrase "Surf & Turf."  Her mesmerizing siren song... more like a shrill weep has been known to entice sailors into throwing their cargo of cucumbers and carrots overboard.  Thus devastating the vegetable shipping industry. 
Just to sum it up... she purposely doesn't have a shell bra for a more risque look.  Just letting it all hang out. Yes, she swears like a salty sailor.  Nope, you will not be seeing Merpigs in a zoo anytime soon.  The little stinkers are almost impossible to catch.

Gnome sweet Gnome

Meet Flynn Farthingbottom, a whimsical gnomish guinea pig who lives among the toadstools.  Some people mistake him for an elf which is pretty awkward during the Holidays.  For Flynn is not the type to hang lights, fluff spruce trees and scatter tinsel about...  it tends to get stuck in his beard.  This floofy, yoga-loving hipster prefers the corner coffee shop over Santa's workshop.  Apparently, the wifi connection is a bit sketchy up North.  On the weekends, Flynn has been known to host epic adventures as Dungeon Master of the Willow Forest Dungeons & Dragons Guild.  Little known fact, the only difference between a gnome and a short wizard is the robe and staff.  Huzzah!!!

Hillbilly Hooch

Hey ya'll!  Skeet has been brewing up a storm... not a witch's brew, more of a Tennessee mountain dew.  Some call it hillbilly hooch, but Skeet prefers the name bootleg belly wash.  Distilled to perfection, it's guaranteed to put hair on your chest.  Just a side note, Skeet is the Jug Whistling county champ, so he knows a thing or two about bottling the shine. 

Furlock Holmes & Dr. Hopson

The game is afoot my friends!  Furlock takes solving mysteries very seriously.  For example, he didn't rest until the case involving disappearing parsley was solved and the villainous perpetrator was brought to justice.  He feels it is his business to know what other guinea pigs do not know.  He often reminds his trusty companion, Dr. Hopson, there is nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact.  Furlock, a fluffy lie-detector, understands a detective must eliminate all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbably must be the truth.  

Bird Watching

No need to worry, the binoculars are not for viewing the eclipse. Thanks for your concern safety police. In fact, Sylvester gives the term "Wingman" a new meaning. With his trusty field guide and high power binoculars, he spies cute little chickadees for his shy pal Fritocandito. 

Bat Signal No.2

It took a while, but finally got around to finishing the batpig display. 

Grinny Pig

You may be wondering why Grinny is so happy.  I mean look at him... a big, goofy smile from ear to ear!  One might wager that crisp romaine lettuce, fresh wood shavings, and an afternoon nap have something to do with the gigantic grin.  Nope.  Silly cat videos?  Nope.  TGIF?  Wrong again, it's Thursday you dope.  For heavens sake, get a calendar already.  Give up yet?  Well if you have to know, the postman delivered a new CG Beadroller today, yippee ki yay! 

Double, Double, Toil & Trouble

Meet Gladys the Grey.  She is 90% Witch, 10% Essential Oiler with a PhD in Herbology.  She prefers brewing vegan friendly potions from organic ingredients such as ear of corn, head of cauliflower, and eye of potato.  Her motto is do no harm, except for when someone takes her parking spot.  In instances like these, she has been known to unleash the flying monkeys and rattle off a curse or two.

Where to Next?

There's no time to be bored in a world as big and beautiful as this.  Bernie is off on another adventure, destined to wander where the wifi is weak... I'm talking 1 bar.  He will have no time in his busy schedule to check email or post to Instagram.  Nope, he will be learning the local customs and brushing up on useful phrases such as, "Is it time for 2nd brunch?"  Passport in paw, he is a travel addict on the road to recovery. 

Dinner and a Show

After months of studying abroad in Italy's finest music academy, Benito is ready to debut his tenor pipes.  Granted, he is no Luciano Pavarotti when it comes to classics such as Ave Maria, however little Benito manages to belt out quite a musical masterpiece everytime the crisper drawer opens.  Magnifico!

Fresh Squeezed!

Need a little more zest in your life? Well if you aren't into the latest album by Beyonce, try the old school version of lemonade. Pucker-up buttercup!

Lifeguard on Duty

The temperature hit a whopping 85'F this past Friday.  Soon it will be time for the 3 B's...  Beach Balls, Babes in Bikinis, and Bikram Yoga.  Ok, maybe the last "B" is a bit of a stretch.  Get it?...  Stretch?!  Hope you have a nice #SundayPunday.

Pucker Up!

Silvester "Smooches" Valentine is the Guinea's World Record holder for the most kisses given in 1 hour.  He plans to top his current record of 6,714 kisses and make a little extra spending cash on the side.  Wish him luck and pucker up!  Just a side note, lip balm isn't included with the purchase.  The line starts to the right and is single file.  No pushing, cutting, or lingering.

Love is in the air

Tomorrow is February 1st... do you know what that means??? 

14 days until Cupig's favorite day of the year.  He has spent the last 11 months penning romantic valentines, spritzed with cologne... not going to lie, it smells like Old Spice up in here.  Fluent in the language of love, this skilled matchmaker also fancies himself a novice chocolatier.  Here are a few excerpts from his love letters: 

"I love you with all of my butt, it's bigger than my heart"

Or how about this romantic line: 

"Thanks for loving me even though I don't shave my legs as often as you might like."

A window into his soul:

"Once in a while someone wonderful comes along and makes Valentine's Day not suck...

you're welcome."

His loving, yet honest side:

"I lie awake at night wondering how I got so lucky (and also because you snore)."

My personal favorite: 

"If there was a zombie apocalypse tomorrow, I would kill you last."

**swoon**

Feeling lighter already...

Skeeter's New Year's Resolution involves twine, helium balloons, and loosing a few lb's.  Not going to lie, the corduroy slacks are quite snug after slaying one too many Holiday veggie trays at the office Christmas party.  Hope you have a Happy New Year!!!